1. Show respect. If we expect children to respect us because we are adults, two things must be happening. First, we must show them respect as human beings and second, we must be worthy of their respect. This means that we do not resort to talking down, ridiculing, ignoring or simply dismissing them. It means that we ourselves must behave in an exemplary manner. Today's child is more savvy than we were and more brutally honest than we may care to admit.
    
2. Answer questions. When children ask questions or want information clarified, it is cause for celebration.   It means that they care, they are   interested, that they want to know. While a child who does not question is easier for parents and teachers to deal with in the short run,   it goes against every principal of healthy development-theirs as well as ours. The result is children who have lost their love of learning, who simply spit back information and future adults who have never learned to think. 
    
3. Take time. Closely connected with the willingness to answer and  even to encourage questions, is the display of enjoyment simply to bewith the child. Just "hanging out" together gives a child a feeling of belonging - which is priceless. A child who feels that s/he matters to a teacher or parent will usually live up to that care. In recent years an obstacle has come between parents and children in this regard. It is called-the cell phone. Many of my clients have told me that they never "really" spend time with their parents other than on Shabbat because, "when he's on the cell phone, his body is there, but he isn't." 
    
4. Be reliable. In parenting and teaching, as in life in general, good intentions don't usually count for much. As adults, we often forget how powerless we were as kids and how much we needed others in order to achieve goals and address our needs. If children learn that they must be wary and not put their faith in others, they are at risk of becoming cynical and emotionally unavailable adults. It is for this reason that every child needs to be able to trust at least one adult in order to survive childhood in good emotional shape. The best scenario is to have two parents and at least one teacher per school year to fill this role. 
   
   After more than two decades of working closely with children, the examples they give me of unreliable, disappointing, adults in their lives boils down to three basic scenarios:
   
   a)     A parent or teacher who makes promises, but seldom follows through. This includes special events, trips, rewards, time together. The explanation for such laxity can be a genuinely busy schedule, poor time management, making promises as a way to mollify the child and many more common reasons. It all adds up to the fact that the child loses a part the joy of receiving payment for work done or agreements honored. S/he is rightly disappointed in adults.
   
   b)     A teacher or parent sets down the rule that there is to be no physical attacks (hitting, kicking) to peers/siblings. It is agreed that the child who feels put upon will go to the adult for assistance. So far, so good. But when the moment of truth arrives, the child keeps his/her end of the deal and the adult is too busy to help. We all know the rest of this story.
   
   c)      A teacher schedules a large exam on a certain date. The student, in an effort to do well, studies and comes prepared on the given day. Then, wham! The teacher changes the date/ forgot the test at home. The teacher requires a ridiculous amount of homework to be completed and then- never even looks at it. The teacher takes a month to grade exams or, oven worse, never returns them at all. At this point, most of my child clients are either screaming or crying. They exhibit all the signs of an anxiety attack. Yes, it is that stressful.
    
5. Take children seriously. By the time a child can differentiate between himself and his caregivers, he can feel how seriously he and his needs are being taken. In fact, depression in children can often be linked to their inherent feeling that they do not matter. The needs and wishes of children can seem trivial and even foolish to harried adults, but they are very real to the child. 
   
   There is a difference between being taken seriously and being mollycoddled or "spoiled". Neither does being taken seriously mean that the child gets whatever s/he asks for. As long as you let the child know that his/her needs matter to you, most children can wait their turn for your attention. In fact, the ability to delay gratification is often learned in childhood when it is clear from past experience that the adult in question takes your needs to heart and will focus on you in turn. It is also possible to deny your child's unreasonable requests as long as it is done in a sensitive manner. 

Taken as a whole, the requests of today's youngsters are very reasonable. They make sense. What they are asking is that we be good role models and considerate people.